The Big Wheel

“And it’s you when I look in the mirror.” U2, Sometimes You Can’t Make It on Your Own

I’ve begun to wonder if women who look/act more like their fathers are somehow different than those who look/act like their mothers or both/neither parents. Are we more ‘masculine’ in some way? Do we relate to men differently? For example, I have always had boy(space)friends. I once went two years without any, and they were the worst years of my life, coincidence? Yes, I am a feminist, and of course I love my female friends and relatives, but I never stopped being a tomboy. I wonder if it’s because I am so much like my Dad.

It is my father’s birthday today. I would not say I am close to my father, I don’t confide in him. But I am close to him in a way that I can barely put into words, yet I am always aware of. I heard the following phrases growing up (I still hear most of them to this day, and probably will for the rest of my life):

“You’re Donnie’s girl, aren’t cha?”
“You look just like Donnie when he was a boy.”
“You look just like your father.”
“You hold your pen just like your father.”
“You have the same handwriting as your father.”
“You have your father’s mannerisms.”
“That’s what your father would say.”*
“You’re just like your father!”

*Mom said that to me during a heavy conversation we had about religion. I said we create our own meaning. That was her reply.

I never saw the resemblance, until one day I was looking through old photo albums and I saw some pictures of Dad from high school and university, and I was stunned. I saw my own eyes, the same worried look. We really don’t have to talk to each other very much. I have spent many car trips with him in comfortable silence. We are both pretty quiet, but there is so much going on in our minds, and writing is an outlet (we’re both writers). Books, notepads, and magazines orbit around us almost constantly. But he wanted me to be different from him, too. Growing up, I was pushed into sports (until he finally gave up, because I’m just as stubborn as he is). I think he realized that I had inherited his heaviness and shyness, and was trying to mitigate their effects. It didn’t help, but I was able to help myself when I was an adult. He also wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become a fisheries biologist. Yeah, I have zero interest in fish (sorry, Dad). But I think I am honouring him by pursuing an academic career. He never emphasized making money, but he stressed doing something that is interesting and useful, not with anything he said, but by example. I know he would die a little if I became a stockbroker or something like that. For both of us, it is absolutely necessary to have a passion (also known as dorkiness). His passion is being outdoors, and fly fishing. I have a deep love of nature, which I could only have gotten from him. Those camping and canoe trips paid off! My passions are more diffuse; a deep need to know, to learn, to experience, not only in school, but in every area of my life. That dorkiness came from him.

As I get older, I am more and more in awe at the power of genetics as I see how much I am like my father. My mother is my friend, by choice. But with Dad, there never was any choice; it was coded in my DNA. Thank you, Dad, for helping me with my homework as I cried over math books from the ages 5 to 18. Thank you for never raising your voice in anger, ever. Thank you for taking me to see Cabaret. Thank you for you.

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8-Bit Heart, High Def Work (A Review: Simon Curtis - 8-Bit Heart)

Official Website: http://www.simon-curtis.com/
Follow Simon on Twitter: http://twitter.com/SimonCurtis

"There once was a boy who was made, not created. He wanted to learn. He wanted to indulge his senses, to understand pain. But most of all, he wanted to love. For only when he found true love would he become real."

With those opening words begin "8-Bit Heart": a beautifully twisted electronic fairy tale about a boy robot's search for true love in a world of humans who "complicate the word". An album released solely on the interwebs (for now, at least) just yesterday (03/24/2010) by a young (and completely adorable) young talent named Simon Curtis.

I admit that prior to my seeing it posted on a blog I frequent, Curtis' name was unfamiliar to me. While this is his debut album, he was the star of 2009 Nickelodeon musical TV movie "Spectacular".  For all you music prudes out there, don't let that fact taint your opinion! One listen to "8-Bit Heart" is all one needs to see that Curtis is not your cookie cutter pop star, and this album is not like your standard pop fare. 

In an industry and genre where there has been a waning focus on genuine talent over the last few years, the robotization of vocals has become almost expected. Sadly, many of the top artists out there can't deliver the goods in a live setting and as a result it seems electronic music and the art of vocal processing and production has gotten a bad reputation.

On "8-Bit Heart", the albums narrative seems to both demand and justify the use of heavy processing techniques on both the inventive (and sometimes unconventional) instrumentation and on Curtis' versatile character-driven vocals. (He is, the boy robot.)

The album's songs are solid; built on edgy beats that throb, pound and grind their way into your subconscious. Each track creates a new sonic landscape and though the album is cohesive as a set, none of the songs really sound alike. Vocally, Curtis is equal parts Darren Hayes and Blake Lewis. Lyrically, he often strays from the norm and a few songs are pleasantly disarming in their frankness. (Check out "Fell in Love With An Android" below; for the delicious diss "I hate to say it but I'd rather fuck a robot.")

Cementing the concept/narrative of the album, the tracks often contain tongue-in-cheek references to other modern pop songs (Britney's "If You Seek Amy", Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone" and Gaga's "Bad Romance" are all referenced) and lots of homage to technology.

Curtis is equally comfortable on and off the beaten path as the tracks often vary in their audible proximity to all out radio-friendly pop and a more transgressive fare, showing that while he is certainly an artist he has a great pop sensibility. This is definitely one guy to watch out for!

Recommended Tracks: "Fell In Love With An Android", "Joystick", "Super Psycho Love" and "Don't Wanna Be Alone" (but I truly enjoy them all!)

"8-Bit Heart" is available now for free download at http://www.simon-curtis.com/

Get it while it's hot!!! 

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Episode #2: Memory Lane - a Trip with Dean & Heather...

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Who’s the Boss? Part I

“We're here to re-dedicate you to The Power, The Passion, The Mystery, and The Ministry of Rock and Roll.”-- Bruce Springsteen, 1999

If you read my last post, you know I take music very seriously. It would not be much of an exaggeration to say that it is my religion. Music sustains me in a way that I think prayer does for some people. In my faith, Bruce Springsteen has become the patron Saint of Benevolent Messages.

I began listening to Bruce Springsteen in university, but really, his music had always been there, in the background. I had previously only known him from ‘Born in the USA,’ and I thought of him as a stadium rocker, nothing more. I didn’t know he had had a whole career prior to his massive 1984 hit. I discovered an artist of great versatility (the bombast of Born to Run, the bare bones of Nebraska), capable of writing songs with social value (‘Murder Incorporated,’ ‘Streets of Philadelphia’) and songs of introspection (see especially Tunnel of Love and Darkness on the Edge of Town). I admire him as a person as well. Unlike other artists (Bob Dylan, Franz Ferdinand, The Beatles, etc., etc.) he has never allowed his music to be used in commercials. Although he is a millionaire many times over and lives in a big old mansion, I don’t think he’s very comfortable aligning himself with the ‘haves’ (who have too much). I see him as someone who never forgot his working-class roots. In this way, he reminds me of my parents. My father instilled in me a healthy disdain for anyone whose only goal in life is making money, a value I’d like to think Springsteen shares.

Anyway, I’m trying to tell you that his music is important to me, and for about seven years now, his music has taken on an unusual role in my life. Have you ever been listening to the radio, thinking about a certain song, and then the song will come on? It happens to everyone, right? Since 2003 or so, I’ve noticed that if I’m in a store that’s playing music, or listening to the radio, a Bruce Springsteen song will come on when I’m feeling sad or anxious.

The first instance was when I was an undergrad at Dalhousie University. I had just come from my abnormal child development class, where we watched a disturbing documentary about young psychopaths. I was sitting on the bus, waiting to go home, literally worrying about the fate of humanity—when a Springsteen song came on. I don’t remember which one, but I do remember the instant feeling of calm. Since then, these moments come at such a rate that I’ve almost come to expect them. The last time it happened was Saturday, March 6. I was driving back to Halifax from my parents’ house, and I was having my daily crisis (although on some days it’s hourly). I was asking myself “Can I do this (academia)? Can I handle it all?” No sooner had these thoughts scrolled across my brain than ‘Glory Days’ came on.

Now, I’m not a complete flake, but I’m not a total cynic, either. Sure, I guess that if you look at how often I worry, and how often Bruce Springsteen songs are played on the radio, those times are going to overlap. Yeah, fine, it makes sense. But maybe… something, I don’t know what, is telling me that everything is okay. Maybe everyone receives such messages, but perhaps not everyone is lucky (or cursed, depending on your tastes) to receive their messages in the form of Springsteen songs. Whether it’s coincidence or divine intervention, I’m glad I get to experience his music in this way. Has anything similar happened to you? I’d love to hear your stories.

I’ll leave you with one of my favourite Boss songs, from his Tunnel of Love album. Soak up the 80's goodness!

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Wilco will love you, baby—to the max!!!

Concert Review: March 3, 2010, Halifax Forum (Multipurpose Room) Opening Act: Bahamas
By: Heatha

Warning: Extreme dorkiness ahead (which is why you’re here, right?)

I am from the school that thinks a great rock concert is what church should be like; a renewing, uplifting, collective experience. It should feed your soul. I took communion at the Church of Wilco, and it was good. I left baptized in sweat, my soul replenished. I didn’t quite get the sense of community I was hoping for (I will write about that in another post), but it was one of the best concerts I have ever attended. I went with my friend D and her husband J, who put up with my unbridled enthusiasm. Thanks, guys. The following clip is from the concert. I am aware of Wilco's policy on videotaping, and I did not take this video, but since it's out there, I might as well share...



Wilco are amazing live. If you aren’t impressed with their recorded material, you would change your mind once you’ve been to a show. This was my second time seeing them. My first Wilco experience was in 2008 when they opened for Neil Young at the Metro Centre. I had never heard them before that night, but after that, I was hooked. “Do you guys come here often?" lead singer Jeff Tweedy asked us, "It’s a multi-purpose centre, so what else do you do here?” Someone yelled out “bingo.” To which he replied “If I had a nickel for every bingo parlour we’ve played on this tour, I’d have a nickel.” The Multipurpose Room is kind of rinky-dink, but with only 1000 people and general admission (standing only), it felt very intimate and I soon forgot that on Sundays the room hosts a flea market.

The band seemed relaxed yet energized. I was worried that because it was the last show on their ‘Frozen Tundra’ tour, they would be ragged, tired, and Jeff Tweedy would be surly. I can’t believe I ever thought that. There were two stops and starts , and they didn’t play ‘Sonny Feeling’ because a guitar wasn’t properly tuned, but these were amusing blips, and the band took it all in stride. As J said to me, and I agree, Wilco is a well-oiled machine.

It is a joy to watch all the band members play, but especially guitarist Nels Cline and drummer Glenn Kotche, they are obviously doing what they were born to do. Nels gets lost in the music. On the Ashes of American Flags dvd, he says “I never want to think about my body when I’m playing…I just want to levitate.” Glenn appeared to be having the time of his life on stage. I never saw anyone pound the drums as hard as he did at the end of ‘Misunderstood.’ During the intro to ‘I’m the Man Who Loves You,’ Glenn stood up on his seat, arms outstretched, reveling in his glory.

Jeff Tweedy appeared to be enjoying himself as well. I’ve seen some performances on You Tube where he exudes a quality that I can only describe as poisonous…



But that was a long time ago, and I did not see that at all in Halifax.

Also, Jeff doesn’t look as grizzled in person as he does on video. I wasn’t super close (I was in the middle of the crowd) but he looked good. I think he’s good-looking, regardless (there, I said it, so what? who cares?). I like his brain, too. I think one of the reasons I love Wilco is because Jeff comes off as incredibly intelligent in interviews, and it shows in his songwriting.

On the Wilco website, you can request songs for whatever concert you’re attending, and I requested ‘Passenger Side’ because it reminds me of my gloriously misspent youth in rural Nova Scotia. They didn’t play it, but they did play another song from their first album (A.M.).



Other fun concert moments: Jeff said that they spent the afternoon ice-skating with lumberjacks. Funny, and a dead give-away that they’re Americans. Canadians would never add ‘ice’ before ‘skating,’ amiright?

He also showed off some knowledge of Halifax; “Thank you for keeping your shipping routes open during WW II!” You’re welcome!

He changed the words to ‘King Pin’ in honour of our city, it was cute:

Original lyrics:

I wanna be your King Pin
Living in…Pekin*
I wanna be your bigwig

*According to Wikipedia, Pekin is a small city in Illinois.

Halifax lyrics:

I wanna be your King Pin
Living in…Halifax!
I wanna love you to the max!

I had a great time. I basically grinned like an idiot for 2-plus hours, bopped around, and sang along when appropriate (‘Jesus, Etc.’) and we sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to the merch guy Andy twice. The first attempt was a dirge; Jeff remarked that it was the “eeriest version of ‘Happy Birthday’ I ever heard.” He then passed a cake, plastic forks, and paper bowls back to the merch table. Later on he said Andy wasn’t there the first time we sang it, so we did it again, this version was much happier.

He said they’d be coming back!!!! But I’m totally tempted to go see them in Scotland this September, because they only come to Halifax every two years, it seems. Since this a blog where dorkiness is encouraged, I will admit that I have always secretly envied Dead Heads, Phishheads, Ears With Feet, or anyone who has the time, means, and passion (foolishness?) to follow a band/artist on tour. I’m not slavishly devoted to Wilco, at least not yet, but they are so damn good, I would love to do a road trip of the U.S. and become a regular church-goer.

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Blog Post #1,459,834 on Tiger Woods

I have mixed feelings about the whole Tiger Woods debacle. On one hand, Woods seems like an entitled, arrogant jerkface who just likes to slut it up, and he got caught. But this public act of contrition (what crime did he commit again?) is over the top, not to mention disingenuous. It was obviously done to save face with his sponsors so he could keep making all that money. And why are we surprised at his infidelity? I guess it’s because although lots of sports (football, basketball, baseball, soccer) stars are considered sex machines because they epitomize physical prowess, golfers are about as sexy as, well, golf.

Tiger's Apology

On the other hand, I have sympathy for anyone; male, female, gay, straight, famous or ordinary who is caught cheating and has to suffer public and private humiliation. I don’t think cheating automatically makes you a bad person (unless you did it to hurt someone). When Bill Clinton was facing impeachment, I thought it was ridiculous. So he had a fling, suddenly he’s not capable of leading the free world? I think I have sympathy because these cheaters are caught in the tyranny of monogamy, aka The Only Relationship Model™. But I think some people are ready to rethink the old model. I think the fact that any time a public figure cheats it becomes a scandal is because underneath all the pearl-clutching people are deeply ambivalent about monogamy. It is unrealistic to ask one person to meet another person’s entire romantic and sexual needs for the rest of his/her life. If sexuality is fluid, then what you like and need at 25 might not be the same at 35, or even 10 minutes ago.

For fun over the summer (I am a nerd, after all) I read a few books on monogamy and love; The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, Against Love: A Polemic by Laura Kipnis, and Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage by Jenny Block (not Jenny from THE Block). What these writers (all women, interesting) argue is that the romantic/libidinal economy is based on our actual economy, which is one of scarcity.* Scarcity means we think there is only a limited amount of love, and lovers, to go around, and we can’t share with anyone else, because the beloved is our property (but if you think like that, your PlusOne is not a beloved, s/he is an object). This is why cheating and general sluttery is frowned upon. Yeah, there’s the moral aspect, but if you look closer you’ll find the scarcity model wrapped in the rhetoric of ethics and religion: I invested money, emotional energy, and Brazilian waxes in this relationship, why should someone else enjoy my investment? In a different world, we would not vilify cheaters, and monogamy would be one of many legitimate relationship options. But also in this different world, a man wouldn’t get piles of money for hitting a ball with a metal stick, and no one would have to apologize to the world for having sex with someone other than their spouse.

*If you wanna go back even further, read French anthropologist Claude Levi-Strauss’ famous essay “The Principles of Kinship” in which he argues that women exist to be exchanged among men. This is the foundation of culture: Women are the gift men give to each other. Think about it: What’s the best way to get in with the next tribe over? Marry one of their women.

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Classic Videos: Does anyone else ALWAYS sing this to themselves every single week?

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